


A Day In The Life

by Im_The_Doctor (Bofur1)



Category: Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Alllll the references, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Humor, Babies, Begging, Bribery, Covert Operation, Cyborgs, Dark Crack, Death Threats, Disappointment, Eavesdropping, Fluff and Crack, Game Shows, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Infiltration, Interviews, It's fun crack up until the end, Mission Fic, Missions Gone Wrong, Multiple Selves, News Media, Nosiness, Not Cheating, References to Canon, Secret Identity Fail, Snooping, Surprises, Unrequited Crush, compassion - Freeform, ominous ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-22 22:30:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12492256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bofur1/pseuds/Im_The_Doctor
Summary: “This is it, Jim—our biggest scoop since the time that twenty-something couple ran over an elderly Swedish pensioner with their toddler’s unicycle!” Squinting into the camera, Jim lowered his voice to a hiss, his lips pressed flat against his microphone. “My name is Jim. I’m here with my associate, Jim, and we’re going live with some undoctored footage of…” He took a steeling breath. “…men. But these are not just any men! These are Markiplier Alter Egos in their natural habitat.”(Or: Jim and Jim introduce themselves to the other Egos)





	A Day In The Life

“This is it, Jim—the cream of the crop! We aren’t allowed to blow this. This is our biggest scoop since the time that twenty-something couple ran over an elderly Swedish pensioner with their toddler’s unicycle!” Squinting into the camera, Jim lowered his voice to a hiss, his lips pressed flat against his microphone. “My name is Jim. I’m here with my associate, Jim, and we’re going live with some undoctored footage of…” He took a steeling breath. “… _men_. But these are not just any men! These are Markiplier Alter Egos in their natural habitat.”

Gesturing for the camera to follow, he tiptoed quickly across the empty lot and pressed against the side of their target building. “We’re about to covertly infiltrate Ego Central for the first time. We’ve got our sneaking shoes on, our microphones are at the ready, our hair is looking fabulous, and we’ve got our eyes peeled for all kinds of scoops, chocolate _and_ vanilla. Let’s go, Jim!”

***

“We’re coming upon our first target now!” Jim whispered excitedly, dropping to a crouch and nearly smacking the camera lens as he pushed Jim down with him. “Could this be the famed Silver Shepherd? Who really lies behind the mask? Could it be that Jim and I will be the first to catch a glimpse of his true face?!”

From where he sat on the nearby couch, the Silver Shepherd perked up at the noise, glancing over toward the two reporters. Jim stiffened upon being spotted behind the camera, but his brother was unfazed, lunging to his feet and prancing over, his shoes squeaking vigorously.

“Silver Shepherd! Is it true that your secret identity once had a scandalous affair with his/your own girlfriend?!” he demanded eagerly, jabbing the Silver Shepherd’s nose with the tip of the microphone.

“Wh-What?!” Shepherd stammered, recoiling against the couch cushions. “Who are you? How did you even get in here? And it doesn’t count as an affair because Roxanne and I were already dating…But why—?”

“The very same question we would like answered, hero,” Jim sympathized, squeezing the other Ego’s shoulder. “Why did she do this to you? Why did _he?_ Is it all a game of friendly competition between a hero and his secret identity or is there a villain lurking behind the friendly face of his other self? Stay tuned, viewers, for the rest of this exclusive interview, ‘The Mask Comes Off: The Identity Crisis of the Silver Shepherd!”

“B-B-But—” Shepherd sputtered, wringing his oversized mitts in a mix of indignation and dismay as Jim dragged his twin away by the arm. “But there _isn’t_ any identity crisis! My mysterious ordinary, unmasked self and I have an understanding!” The two intruders paid no attention as they disappeared down the hall and the Silver Shepherd tilted his head, half-rising to add, “And why should the viewers stay tuned if you aren’t interviewing me anymore?” After a moment of waiting for a response that never came, he winced, fumbling for his phone. “I’d better call Roxy before she sees any of this on the news…”

***

“We’re here now with Ednarb Eddeth Edgar, Sr., owner of Ed Edgar Adoptallott’s Baby Bulk Buy!” Jim exclaimed, hefting the nearest baby onto his hip with surprising gentleness and waving the mic in Ed Edgar’s general direction. “Tell us, Mr. Edgar, what brought you into this business?”

“Well, I figure that since so many parents out there want some babies, they oughta have ’em, y’know?” Ed Edgar replied with a shrug, tipping his hat back so he could slick his hair for the camera. “And you can get a bulk order of fifteen now, for ten percent off! Like this cute little feller right here!” Grinning widely, he snatched the one Jim was holding and dangled him in front of the camera. “Isn’t he cute? This one’s a newly-minted cyborg baby! You acquire him and twenty more for your friends who want a ’borg baby, you’ll get _two_ in your household instead of the standard one plus a miniaturized baby for free!” So saying, he pressed one into Jim’s free hand.

“Could it be, Jim, that the desire for children is what makes parents ‘parents’?” Jim questioned dramatically, brushing off Edgar’s attempt to advertise. “But Mr. Edgar’s answer is only scratching the surface, which leads to so many other questions! Why is that? Why is he really here? I ask you this, Jim: could it be that Ed Edgar is here because he’s trying to atone for some larger child-abduction scheme in his long-forgotten past?”

“ _What?!_ No, no, it’s not like that at all!” Ed Edgar protested. “We treat all of our babies well; I have baby scientists who’ll vouch for it!”

“Why is it that Mr. Edgar is willing to let someone else raise Ednarb Eddeth Edgar, Jr.?” Jim went on with a sweeping gesture that Ed Edgar was forced to duck, clinging to his hat. “And why is it that they so suspiciously share a name?”

“Well, _you_ two share a name!” Ed Edgar pointed out, causing Jim to fall silent for a moment before scoffing.

“That’s where you’re wrong, Mr. Edgar! I’m Jim and my brother is _Jim_. The inflections are different. But that just about wraps up our exclusive interview: ‘Kid Nappies or Kid _nappers_?’ And now for the weather! Jim?”

As the pair ran off, Ed Edgar stood gaping after them, slapping his hat back on his head and then setting the cyborg baby down. Only then did he notice something was amiss. “Hey!” he hollered. “Darn, scruffy muskrats stole my miniaturized baby!”

***

“My name is Bim Trimmer,” the gameshow host proclaimed, chuckling proudly and brushing down his suit. “You might have heard of me; I run a professional gameshow meant to help potential employees of big businesses! And I mean…” He mimed a general size with his hands. “ _Big_.”

“And tell us, Mr. Trimmer, what is it that drives you and your extremely successful show?” Jim asked eagerly. “Is it the obviously sizeable payout for the contestants that you just showed us with your hands or is there something more to it?”

“Well, not everyone gets a job, Jim,” Bim reminded him coyly, snapping his fingers in thought. “There was that one contestant…Reynold? Robin? Sadly he just didn’t have what it took to close the deal, but I like to think it’s the thought that counts! I put a lot of effort into making sure not _every_ Robin or Reynold falls through the cracks! About—ooh, _five_ percent of that category gets hired on my show, which is more than I can say for other programs I could name…” He coughed lightly, glancing off to the side. “Like _Disk of Riches_.”

Gasping, Jim offered a wide-eyed glance at the camera before scooting closer to their interviewee. “The gameshow hosted by Wilford Warfstache?”

“That’s the one,” Bim confirmed. “Oh, this is all confidential, right?”

“Of course,” Jim assured him, nudging Jim to lift the camera a bit more. “We’ll be hosting an interview with Mr. Warfstache very soon, but many of our viewers would like to know what’s in it for you, Mr. Trimmer! Is it your compassion for those without work? Is there a more _personal_ motive?” He waggled his eyebrows meaningfully. “Perhaps a motive of the heart! Could it be that you hope your show will bank you a soulmate?”

Bim blinked several times, flushing scarlet as he opened his mouth to deny it. Jim interrupted. “Is Bim Trimmer the man who puts his money where his heart is—on his beautifully-pressed sleeve? We’ll find out after this commercial break, viewers. Stay tuned!”

***

“Well, it seems as though both Mr. Warfstache and Google IRL are unavailable for comment,” Jim sighed, clicking his tongue disappointedly. “My associate, Jim, and I are deeply sorry, viewers. We were certainly looking forward to our time with them, but they will have to wait until tomorrow’s broadcast. Tune in next time for our exclusive stories, ‘Warfstache: Is He Wilford or William?’ and ‘Which Search Engine Watches While You Sleep?’ This is Jim and Jim, signing—”

Muffled voices from nearby caused Jim to pause, holding up a hand and instinctively dropping to a crouch. “Hold on, I’m getting something from that nearby room,” he whispered, creeping stealthily closer and pressing his ear against the door. “This is—this is amazing, Jim! In all these past thirty minutes of reporting, I never expected this! It sounds as if we may be privy to a conversation held between the notorious _Darkiplier_ and the cloistered _Host!_ ”

As his twin zoomed the camera in on the lock, Jim moved his face into its view so he could comment, “It’s unprecedented, viewers; both of these Egos are known to lead extremely private lives. Some of our most reputable sources claim that Darkiplier is a brutally unstable psychotic—clearly unfit to interact with anyone as selective as the Host. Nevertheless, I hear _both_ voices behind this closed door! Could it be that our sources were wrong about Darkiplier? Could it be that his bouts of vengeful rage stem from the loneliness of a mind and heart broken by time? Could it be that the joyless, unassuming, uncanny Host fills the bottomless hole left by lost friendships? Let’s see what our secretive subjects are saying…”

Returning his ear to the door, Jim cleared his throat softly and began to narrate. “Darkiplier is telling the Host that it’s foolish to believe their creator, Mark Fischbach, will make another video that the two of them can share—because as we all know, this has only happened once. ‘We cannot trust him to offer any scrap of a _sequel_ to us; he’d have us begging on our knees before that happened, and I would rather die.’ Clearly there’s a larger story behind Darkiplier’s bitterness toward their creator, Jim. And the Host’s reply is that…” Once he listened for a few moments, Jim reeled back, gasping, “…that they’re no longer alone!”

No sooner had he spoken did the door swing open, Darkiplier’s murky smoke spilling out into the hallway. Jim jumped as static obscured the lens of his camera and the other Jim, smiling nervously at the pair of Egos standing over them, compensated by lifting his mic.

“Mr. Darkiplier, Mr. Host…would you care to comment on the nature of your meeting here today?” he asked, trying to bolster his voice.

“I believe you’ve heard more than enough,” Dark snarled, knocking the microphone to the ground and bringing his heel down on it.

“The Host would like to point out that these two Egos are unfamiliar,” his companion commented lightly. “Mark has recently introduced them as Jim and Jim, also known as the Jim Twins. They are a pair of reporters whose footage ranges from weather reports to in-process murder investigations.”

“Perhaps we should give them an in-process sampling of murder itself,” Dark spat, clearly unmoved by their résumé.

“The Host advises against it, as Jim and Jim are already intensely popular with Mark’s fanbase and their absence would be noticed. Moreover, as they are new Egos being freshly built, their deaths would be acutely felt by the older Personas.” Tucking his arms into the folds of his trench coat, he added impassively, “Though the Host may have the ability to _unwrite_ them with little difficulty.”

“Wait!” Jim burst out, waving his hands frantically. “We’re—Jim and I are your best shot at getting a video all your own!” When Dark and the Host maintained a questioning silence, Jim flashed another hurried smile and explained gingerly, “We’re reporters…We have nonstop exclusives and special episodes.”

The two friends shared an unreadable glance and then Dark smiled patronizingly, nudging the microphone with the toe of his shoe and motioning for Jim to take it back.

“I look forward to it,” he agreed, his tone unnervingly soft. “Host?”

“The Host nods thoughtfully—” He made the concurring motion. “—but would like to inquire as to the name of this exclusive. The Host finds words important to him, if Jim and his brother care to know.”

“We always care to know! That’s our motto!” Jim assured them as Jim fiddled with the camera’s settings. “And we’ll call this very special episode, uhh…‘A Day In The Life.’”

The Host smiled at that, fresh blood catching on the corners of his mouth. “The Host can approve of that name.”

**Author's Note:**

> I spent waaaay more time on this than I planned to, but I'm really proud of it XD Sorry I couldn't fit Wilford or Google in there, but I ran out of time, and Dr. Iplier's probably would've been kinda boring; he'd just say "You're dying" and be done with them!
> 
> But either way, I hope you enjoyed! Leave a kudos or a comment below if you'd like to tell me what you thought; I'd love to hear from you!


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